“To play hockey you shouldn’t have to go through what I went through. I was just looking to have friendship and play the game I love.”
Yesterday the story of Kayla Watkins was brought to my attention via both Puck Daddy, Buzzing the Net and the much adored Sarah Spain.
Originally covered in the Toronto Star (the article can be found here), Kayla is a 12 year old who has had to deal with the reality of what kind of assholes adults can sometimes be.
As Kayla pointed out, George Atis was not a member of the coaching staff but decided that he had the right, out of his “concern” for the boys on the team, to make a judgement call on the playing time and abilities of a member of the team and their worthiness to participate in the game. Atis decided, once again let me remind you not as a member of the coaching staff, that her play had not improved and that the boys “didn’t” want to play with her if it wasn’t addressed. Without any coaches input, clearly without ANY regard for the actual role of youth participation in sport Atis attempted to legally restrict Kayla, to deny her the equal chance to play as her teammates without coaches input.
Now I’m not pretending that every player on every team gets equal playing time because we know that’s not how it goes. However for an outside force to attempt to legally restrict a players playing time, to essentially attempt to have her removed from the team goes far beyond that.
There’s so many things that could be broken down in this, read into this scenario as serious lessons society needs to learn. Don’t undermine the coach and his ability and experience in doing his job. Don’t interfer with kids and their desire and right to play the game.
But the point that really gets me, especially since its something I have first hand experience in dealing with is the “concern” for the boys at the near miss incidents where they’ve been exposed to Kayla in the locker room.
Being a girl on a guys team can be the best and worst thing. I know what it’s like to be the only girl in a locker room. You can make great friends, learn to get along and deal with the opposite sex in a much healthier and more socially beneficial way particularly when you hit the teenage years.
For many years I was the only girl on my local representative inline team and at times the only girl in the club. When I was 16 I made the State Under 16 team as one of the first girl’s to do so. I suffered the mortification of several gaping teammates when I stripped down a sports bra and briefs to put on “skins” and suit up for the game. Despite the fact that I saw far more of them than they ever saw of me, most of them had never had a female teammate and didn’t know how to react and how they did react was less than exemplary. My teammates who had also been my teammates at home didn’t bat an eyelid and treated me with respect and dignity as the teammate I was.
I’ve suffered the anguish when I arrived at a state titles to find there was no home and away change rooms but boys and girls change rooms. Instead of re-branding, two teams were forced to share a room whilst I, as the sole girl competing, was sent to change and prepare on my own (albeit with mum for company) away from my team. Halfway through the tournament I decided I had enough of being an outcast and marched into the boys room to prepare with my teammates. The organisers were less than impressed.
Kayla is 12. Her teammates are 12. If now is not the time to teach them how to behave towards others, to set out ground rules that are not only respectful but accommodating to all members who have earned their place on a team regardless of gender (as well as all the other sadly still discriminatory areas society still struggles with) then when is an appropriate time.
In comments on Buzzing the Net, someone suggested that whilst Atis is clearly a moron, a sentiment shared by most it appears, that the solution is that girls shouldn’t be on boys hockey teams and instead should remain in girl’s competitive leagues.
On this I call bullshit.
For every girl who struggles, there’s one who settles in the middle and there’s one who excel.
Jocelyne and Monique Lamourex, now stars of the USA Women’s Olympic Ice Hockey team, age 12 lead their team to the North Dakota state championship. In the championship game alone, Monique scored twice and Jocelyne after blanking the opposition in the first two periods of the game in goal, switched to forward and scored on her second shift.
They shifted to girls hockey (at Shattuck St Mary’s nonetheless) age 13 only after the “punctured adolescent male pride” they left in their wake became to much and the targets on their back and the behind the play sucker punches became to much for any 13 year old who just wanted to play the game.
That’s just one story. There’s thousands more like that where female players have pushed themselves, grown as players and people by playing competition equal to their own. It is never the girls with the problem
So what happens in Kayla’s story? Humiliated and heartbroken Kayla walked away from her team. She quit under the embarrassment of a parents actions and joined a local women’s team.
It is lucky that, unlike many others would have, Kayla did not quit the game all together. In a society where kids are overweight, under athletic and so many other things, we should be doing everything we can to make sure kids not excel in, but participate and involve themselves in sport. The point of childhood sport is not to win (though it sure is fun) but to learn the lessons that can be so well taught by sport.
So to Kayla Watkins and any other girl who still ‘dares’ to play on a boys team in what is still so much a boys game I say this: Play with pride, play with heart. Sometimes it sucks what they will do to you how they will treat you and sometimes it will hurt what they say and you’ll need a thick skin but if you love this game, love to play don’t ever dare let someone tell you that you can’t and that you shouldn’t. Don’t let anyone suggest you are less equal than your male counterparts because that is a lie.
Stay strong my sisters on skates.
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